Snow Babies

We met a social worker supervisor Monday night and picked up a baby girl and her two year old sister. Our agency planned for us to keep the baby and another family to take the 2 year old, but they wanted us to take both for the first night. Evidently after we already had the girls, a DHR foster family was found that could take them both. We didn't know that until later. Tuesday morning I took off work to be with the baby, and I was expecting someone to come get the two year old. Then it started to snow. I became worried that the baby would run out of formula, so I contacted my social worker to see when they were coming. I didn't want to miss them while I was at the store. It soon became clear that no one was going anywhere. My husband headed home after making a stop for formula. He ended up leaving his truck on the side of the road and catching a ride with someone. I thought my kids were going to be spending the night at school, but they eventually made it to a friend's house where Mike was able to pick them up. I'm assuming the shelter care hearing got canceled Wednesday. DHR wants me to keep the girls until Friday afternoon. I have a full time job. I can take off work a few times a year when we get long term placements, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to be as flexible as they need me to be. I'm so very thankful for my church. We plan on the church daycare taking the girls Friday when I return to work. I don't want to try to plan ahead of God, but I was pretty worried for a bit. I think this week worked out just as He planned. I guess unlike our meteorologist God knew all along we would be available this week. Oh, and the foster mom that was suppose to take the two year old....she was snowed in at her school overnight. Please be in prayer for these sweet babies, their mom, the foster family they will go to on Friday, and always our family. Pray that God will make a way for us to do what He has called us to....pray that I won't panic and need it all to make sense to me.

Moments

There are those magnificent moments in life that are etched into your memory for eternity. Colors. Smells. Emotions. You can remember those moments so vividly. Mike's face. I can see it now. Astonishment. Fear. Joy. I can see each one pass over his eyes. Then he smiles at me. "Oh my God. Oh my God," he quickly blurts out in a praise of awe. And then the doctor hands me our son. I hear Levi's inhale and then his cry and although I can't take my eyes off our baby's face, I can feel Mike's hand touch my shoulder and I know he feels it too....love... like nothing I've known before.  Amazing.

A  nurse wakes me from a deep sleep, and says my little man can't let me sleep any longer. I take the baby from her and look at him. He is finally wide awake. His hair clean and brushed, the purple fingers pink now and he sucks on them. He's so hungry, and as I bring Luke close to me, I smell the baby wash they've used; he smells so good. I can still smell it. We stare into each other's eyes for the next hour. Sleeping daddy, busy nurses, dark, quiet room. Just the two of us, and I fall deeply in love.

Gray. It's suppose to be pink. There's one pink line but one very faint gray one too, and there's nothing in the directions about gray! Is it a yes or no? Two toddlers pull on my legs wanting to be held. I'm standing in the bathroom trying to figure out what gray means, but in my heart I KNOW we are going to need some pink for my sweet baby girl Grace.

"She's 18 months old. I just knew you would want to take her. Do you?" Two social workers and the baby step into my living room 2 days later. I've never met any of them, but my eyes are searching to get my first look at this baby. We've imagined and talked about what she could look like. She is so much smaller than I expected. Another baby. Another precious moment of meeting. Her eyes are huge. She looks terrified. I don't want to scare her, so I talk to her first. She looks around the room. Her eyes make my heart hurt for her. And that feeling of wanting to protect her is immediate because of those huge, fearful eyes.  I take her and sit down on the floor. There's paperwork at the kitchen table, so after a few minutes we get up. Are they seriously going to just hand us a baby and leave? This is crazy and sad and exciting. After talking and watching her get comfortable the workers decide it's time to leave. We leave the toys in the bedroom to walk the workers out. We close the door and V takes Mike's hand and says, "et's go," and she leads him back to her new room.

Most people only get a few of these beautiful moments in their lives. I get more. How lucky am I?

We had to say no to a newborn little boy this week. I pray his precious face is etched into someone's heart.

Waiting for our next moment....

Again

We just had a precious baby boy spend the weekend with us! Of course, we compared every single thing he did to Baby V. We got to see V on Christmas Eve. She ran around her house showing us all her toys. She kept going to Mike with books, but she was too excited to sit still for too long! Spending time with her made our Christmas perfect. Grace has really missed her little roomie, but  she is doing well. I follow a couple foster mommas' blogs, and there is such confirmation when I read my own thoughts in someone else's words. This is not just my story. This is a work of redemption by my Savior and partly carried out by foster families. Those families are facing the same fears we are, but God comes through for them just as he has for us.  I know this truth, but there was certainly a moment I could hear the lies. It was heart wrenching to see Grace so upset. It made me literally ache, and I started hearing, "You shouldn't do this to your kids. It's not worth it." As my stomach lurched into my throat, and I had this horrible feeling of heaviness I thought about how easy it would be to say we will not be doing this again. But I went back and reread a comment on another mom's post. A comment made by a woman whose parents fostered for years. And I saw my Grace. A future version of her that will tell me it's okay to break her heart again.  Her words helped me focus on the truth. 

http://www.thishighcalling.blogspot.com/2013/11/im-scared-part-two.html?m=1

My parents began doing foster care when I was 6 years old and continued for 23 years, until my mom died suddenly this past May. I remember crying myself to sleep as I grieved little ones who had left our home. My mom worried that she'd scarred me for life. And she had. But scars are not always bad things. My heart was forever changed by loving those babies and watching my parents love them. I grew up knowing Jesus, not just because my parents told me stories about Him, but because they brought Him into my house. I watched my parents invite Him in, clothe Him, and care for Him when He was hurting. And if your family is anything like mine, your boys aren't just watching . . . they're doing it, too! They're loving the least of these because you're showing them that's where Jesus is. I could list a million reasons why I think bringing foster children into your home is beneficial for your birth children, but this is the most important one: you're helping them see JESUS. You're a wonderful mom.

We are doing this again. Back to the waiting game. We are waiting for the next little person who will no doubt change our lives and hearts forever. 

Mandy