What My Kids Have Taught Me About God part 3

Why do you not want to spend your Saturday helping our church with this task? You are suppose to think of others, give your time, and not be selfish. God will bless you for it, sweet one.
You don't want to give a little bit of that money you saved? Always be willing to give your money to support a mission. Show love to people and support spreading the gospel. Why are you being selfish?
If I "grow" (or kick, drag, push, or yank) my children to become more like Christ will they be more like Him? Is this something I can accomplish?

God has been showing me that he is not in love with a future version of who I'm trying to mold my kids to be. He loves them just the way they are. Sanctification is a lifelong process, so that must mean it's not going to be finished in the 18 years I've got with my kids. My kids can't understand spiritual things the way I can....well I guess not. I've been a Christian 27 years. My kids- 2 years, 3 years, and 8 years. I am just a few feet down this long road of sanctification. It's going to take my kids a minute to get there. My job is to teach them the word and to intercede for them in continuous prayer as they walk this road. Then I think of these strangers I have started to walk with. Most of these birth families are not even on this path. They are stuck in the thorns of deception tangled up with the controlling enemy.

My kids are the easiest people on earth for me to love. Parents get that. It's an unconditional love that you don't have for anyone else. I think birth families then might be the hardest people on earth to love. They have hurt a child you love. So if  accepting and helping my kids where they are right now while hoping and praying they continue to grow is this stressful, how much harder is it for me to do that for strangers? Strangers that I have a pretty good reason to not even like. It's HARD. It's impossible for me alone, but not impossible with the Holy Spirit. I would like to give up on them. They deserve it, but thank God because of Jesus he doesn't give me what I deserve. He's not in love with who I want to be. He's in love with me. He's in love with the birth families I am walking with. He loved them so much he gave his life for them....not a better or future version of them. Then can I love them right now? Will DHR push and pull them into a better life or should I pray for their salvation? Can anyone make them be a better parent or will they need a renewed heart and mind? Can I forgive them? Can I pray for them to learn to parent better? Will I watch them mess it up terribly and still cheer them on? Am I willing to give them the time to grow? Or will I give up too soon? Will I love and protect their child until they're ready and not lose hope that one day they will be ready?


A servant of The Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps, God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape the devil's trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.

2 Timothy 2:24-26

What My Kids Have Taught Me About God part 2

I can't be a good parent. I swing back and forth between feeling like I'm doing a good job and feeling like I'll never get it right. Sometimes I think I'm doing really well. Then one of the kids will make a really rotten decision, say something really unloving, and/or I'll act like an idiot about it. I must be a terrible parent, because if I was a good mom we wouldn't struggle like this. Finally, I am beginning to learn I am not in control. I am not my kids' Holy Spirit. Only God can be that in their lives. I have a part in leading them to Him. But it doesn't end with me. Every good moment I've had teaching them spiritual things is nothing compared to the personal moments God will have with my children. There is a lot of freedom in that. It frees me of guilt and shame of past mistakes and fear of the future. It also gives me a glance of the grace that God gives to me and gives me a desire to show that same grace to my kids. None of us are perfect. I've been too cautious about letting them make their own choices and inevitably their own mistakes. I'm not lowering my standards for them and I will continue to teach them His ways, but I am freeing myself of fear. I am not alone. There is another power at work here. When I look at what my choices for them would have been and the opportunities God has given them, I rejoice I'm not in charge!

I would have chosen safety, tranquility, their own room, nicer clothing, more of my attention, more stuff, and more activities.

God led our family to other things.

He gave my boys a chance to share their clothes, shoes, and room with their friend. He lead them to chose to give up their bed and sleep on a futon mattress on the floor for months, so their friend could have a bed. He gives them conflict in the mornings when someone wears what one had thought about wearing, and He teaches them to give in unselfishly.

He led us to ask our daughter to give up having her own room. He's teaching her what it means to love the least of these. He is changing her heart to understand how important it is to be hopeful that anyone can change. He's broken her heart, so we can teach her who to run to.

Never would I have chosen these things for my children. They're too hard. Isn't everyone's desire for their children to have "magical", carefree, happy childhoods? It was exactly what I wanted for them, but God spoke to us so loudly we couldn't help but listen. We didn't choose this life. The choice isn't credited to us. He sought after us hard. It was everything I never wanted for my children. But through this lifestyle, God had these moments, these personal moments with each of my children, prepared to work in their favor and His glory. And I get to watch it all.

What My Kids Have Taught Me About God part 1

My oldest son had terrible colic. He cried from stomach pain for the first 4 months of his life. On top of that for the first couple months, he had his days and nights mixed up. I remember rocking him many nights with tears flowing down my face from exhaustion as he cried for hours at a time. He slept in short spurts it seemed. It was overwhelming. Was I angry at my newborn? Of course not, he is my son. I know crying is just what babies do. I love him with everything in me, because he is mine.

I struggle with thinking I should be farther into sanctification than I am. I am angry when I recognize a sin and can't immediately lay it down and walk away. I begin to think that God is disappointed with my progress. I think if I can work on this certain thing more I can please Him. This way of thinking doesn't bring me closer to God. It makes me feel like I need to go away and come back when I've got it right. That is how I know it's a lie.

God looks at me how I looked at my newborn. There was nothing that precious boy could have done that would have made me love him less. I was crazy about him just because he was mine. Does sin make God angry? Yes, it does. Is God angry at me? Is there anything I could do to make him love me more? love me less? No. He knows sin is just what humans do. He loves me with everything in Him, because I am His.

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.

 Romans 5:8-11

Worship

There's a calm that covers me

When I kneel down at your feet

It's a place of healing

It's a place where I find freedom

I sang this song as I rocked her.  She's been in our home five weeks, and this is the first time she has ever let me rock her to sleep. During the day, she laughs, babbles, hugs, smiles, and kisses. But there are evenings and bedtimes when she thrashes about, bites, kicks, pinches, and scratches. The only way to get her down for the night is to lay her down alone in her crib in the complete dark and close the door. She pulls the cover over her head and sleeps peacefully. But how I have wanted her to know me, to trust me enough to fall asleep in my arms. As I sang to her tonight, she wrapped her little arms around me and patted my back. She tilted her forehead toward my kisses. And when I felt her body go limp in sleep, I worshiped the God who gives peace...the God who calms the soul.

He complains about his chore again tonight. It's his turn to wash dishes. Like all 15 year-olds, he tries to get out of it. And he has for 2 days. But if he lives here, then he lives here. He's no longer a guest. He's not getting away with it again today. In typical teenager form, he agrees to a bargain. He unloads the dishwasher and I load. Later as I come down the hall, I see him sitting alone in the bedroom looking at his phone. He has peace here in our home. I kiss him goodnight just like I do my boys, and he says "I love you." He has a mom, dad, grandparents, and brothers that love him, but he's part of my family too. And I worship the sovereign God that made our paths cross.

I worship you Lord for the peace and freedom I find in you.

It sounded so scary to love children that don't belong to you...won't always be with you...that you don't raise from the beginning...that might be different than your children...that might be broken and hurt and in chaos. It sounded like such a hard job. 

I'm so thankful God calmed my fears, because loving these two is the easiest thing I've ever done.