Again

We just had a precious baby boy spend the weekend with us! Of course, we compared every single thing he did to Baby V. We got to see V on Christmas Eve. She ran around her house showing us all her toys. She kept going to Mike with books, but she was too excited to sit still for too long! Spending time with her made our Christmas perfect. Grace has really missed her little roomie, but  she is doing well. I follow a couple foster mommas' blogs, and there is such confirmation when I read my own thoughts in someone else's words. This is not just my story. This is a work of redemption by my Savior and partly carried out by foster families. Those families are facing the same fears we are, but God comes through for them just as he has for us.  I know this truth, but there was certainly a moment I could hear the lies. It was heart wrenching to see Grace so upset. It made me literally ache, and I started hearing, "You shouldn't do this to your kids. It's not worth it." As my stomach lurched into my throat, and I had this horrible feeling of heaviness I thought about how easy it would be to say we will not be doing this again. But I went back and reread a comment on another mom's post. A comment made by a woman whose parents fostered for years. And I saw my Grace. A future version of her that will tell me it's okay to break her heart again.  Her words helped me focus on the truth. 

http://www.thishighcalling.blogspot.com/2013/11/im-scared-part-two.html?m=1

My parents began doing foster care when I was 6 years old and continued for 23 years, until my mom died suddenly this past May. I remember crying myself to sleep as I grieved little ones who had left our home. My mom worried that she'd scarred me for life. And she had. But scars are not always bad things. My heart was forever changed by loving those babies and watching my parents love them. I grew up knowing Jesus, not just because my parents told me stories about Him, but because they brought Him into my house. I watched my parents invite Him in, clothe Him, and care for Him when He was hurting. And if your family is anything like mine, your boys aren't just watching . . . they're doing it, too! They're loving the least of these because you're showing them that's where Jesus is. I could list a million reasons why I think bringing foster children into your home is beneficial for your birth children, but this is the most important one: you're helping them see JESUS. You're a wonderful mom.

We are doing this again. Back to the waiting game. We are waiting for the next little person who will no doubt change our lives and hearts forever. 

Mandy