Twisted

Foster care has its really good, happy, joyful days. It can also be extremely sad, super stressful, and downright annoying. My family loves to laugh. Because of that, we have developed a pretty twisted sense of humor since foster care. We laugh about things that most people would consider annoying or just wrong. I mean, you can laugh at how far from "normal" you've strayed, or you can cry. We choose laughter. We do realize these are things we shouldn't find humorous, so I think that is proof we haven't totally lost it. 

#1 We laugh hysterically during the prayer every night at dinner. Coke came out of my nose tonight. Cookie insist on saying/singing the prayer. No one has a clue what she's saying. I'm not sure it's English. Mike's pretty sure it's Arabic. I don't know. 

#2 We find our Cookie's rudeness pretty darn funny. Yep, we are those annoying people at the ballpark with the obnoxious kid they just laugh at---those folks I said I WOULD NEVER BE. When you speak to our little one out in public and she says, "Your breath stinks! It smells like cat!!!!" Mike and I will probably laugh uncontrollably. We have such BIGGER issues. Social etiquette can wait. Remember we just met this kid, and this is not our fault. 

#3 Cookie's confusion about what a family is breaks my heart, and in this moment there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Until she has permanency, I don't think she will ever understand what a family is.

Cookie: Are you my daddy?!

Mike: Yes I'm your daddy.

Cookie: Are you mommy's daddy?!

Mike: No, I'm mommy's husband.

Cookie: Well, who brought you here?! 

Because everybody joins a family via social workers, right?

We've tried to explain getting married and having a family. Then she started asking Grace to marry her. We've confirmed for her that babies come from their mommy's belly. I told her that's how I became Levi, Luke, and Grace's mommy. She first decided that she would grow little and be a baby. Then she decided that she probably had a baby in her belly. 

#4 Sometimes people screw up all the work you've done. Sometimes it's funny. 

Cookie: Luke, what's your momma's name? 

Me: Cookie! You know I am Luke's momma. 

Luke: Sandra 

Me: Luke! That's not funny!!! You know she's confused! Cookie, I'm Luke's momma. 

Cookie: Sandra? Does she have a car?

Me: Cookie! I'm Luke's momma!

Levi: Cookie you've lived here for months. You know that's our momma. 

Luke: Yeh she has a car, and she has toys too. 

Me: Stop it! This is not funny to me! (At which point I start to laugh.)

Cookie: Can I go with you to your momma's house one day?

Me: Cookie! He is just kidding. I am Luke's momma!

Cookie: Does your momma have a IPad?!

#5 $25 and 15 minutes after walking in we shut down the indoor pool at Gulf Shores. As we left, the lifeguard said that she hoped Cookie felt better soon. I responded, "She's fine! She's just a brat!"  Her face said she might report us to DHR, but they haven't called us or anything. We had to drive around for an hour afterwards as my blood pressure went down. However retelling the story, especially when Cookie describes "pookin" in the pool, is now pretty funny.

#6 We now know we need to include everyone's gender when we introduce our family to our new placements. I was helping Cookie fill out her Valentines cards. She was giving Elsa cards to girls and Olaf cards to boys. She chose an Elsa card for Blake. I said something about it being a girl card, but I didn't think Blake would mind. She looks at me so seriously and says, "What is Blake?!" Long story short for four months she thought Blake was a girl. 

#7 Being manipulated by a three year old can be pretty funny. I had my alarm clock set for the two hour weather delay we had the day before and I woke up  15 minutes before I needed to get 6 people showered, dressed, and out the door. I said, "Cookie, if you will let Grace help you get ready this morning, I will give you a piece of candy when we get in the car." Her response, "Two pieces." 

#8 During our initial home study visit, our licensing worker had this huge issue with our fish cooker. Mike is a welder, and he had made a really nice big pot. It's perfect for shrimp boils! It was sitting on the back porch, because we had just used it the weekend before. I thought she was upset about having the tank of gas on our porch. When she left though, Mike told me she probably thought we were cooking meth. Now every time we go through a home inspection you can find a list on our dry erase board with things like replace smoke detector batteries, vacuum rug, hide meth cooker. Each visit, we sit and look at the list and debate if we should erase it before they come. 

#9 We've made a little DHR dictionary along the way. No disrespect to anyone. Just trying to survive with laughter. :)

DHR-soon Reality-could actually happen, eventually

DHR-for sure Reality-would make sense this way (but probably won't happen) 

DHR- a couple weeks Reality-2 to 4 months

DHR- looks like it will go this way Reality- a wild guess without taking into account 4 or 5 other agencies, judges, lawyers, relatives, etc. (My 12 year old who knows none of the facts would have equal chance of getting it right.)

DHR-you guys are great/thank you for doing such a good job/you give wonderful care to these little ones

Reality- Awesome. She's still alive.